Keep it Simple--By Linda Kozar

Today let's have some word fun together! Cliche's are cliche enough normally, but the ones below are a lesson in extremes. If you are possessed of a superior vocabulary, I hope you enjoy these tongue-in-cheek examples of cliches gone wrong--er. 

It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
Translation: You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

The stylus is more potent than the claymore
Translation: The pen is mightier than the sword.

Freedom from encrustation of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
Translation: Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitously departed lacteal fluid.
Translation: Don't cry over spilled milk.

The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
Translation: A watched pot does not boil.

All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
Translation: All that glitters is not gold.

Scintillate, scintillate asteroid minific.
Translation: Twinkle, twinkle little star.

Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
Translation: Beauty is only skin deep.

A plethora of individuals with expertise in culinary techniques vitiate the potable concoction produced by steeping certain comestibles.
Translation: Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Eleemosynary deeds have their incipience intramurally.
Translation: Charity begins at home.

Male cadavers are incapable of yielding any testimony.
Translation: Dead men tell no tales.

Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrous projectiles.
Translation: People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Linda Kozar is the co-author of Babes With A Beatitude—Devotions For Smart, Savvy Women of Faith (Hardcover/Ebook, Howard/Simon & Schuster 2009) and author of Misfortune Cookies (Print, Barbour Publishing 2008), Misfortune Cookies, A Tisket, A Casket, and Dead As A Doornail, (“When The Fat Ladies Sing Series,” eBooks, Spyglass Lane Mysteries, 2012). Her latest novel Strands of Fate released October 2012 (Hardcover/Ebook, Creative Woman Mysteries). She received the ACFW Mentor of the Year Award in 2007, founded and served as president of Writers On The Storm, The Woodlands, Texas ACFW chapter for three years. In 2003, she co-founded, co-directed and later served as Southwest Texas Director of Words For The Journey Christian Writers Guild. She and her husband Michael, married 24 years, have two lovely daughters, Katie and Lauren and a Rat Terrier princess named Patches.

Represented by: Wendy Lawton, Books & Such Literary Agency

Member of: CAN (Christian Authors Network), RWA (Romance Writers of American), WHRWA (West Houston Romance Writers of America), ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers), Writers On The Storm, The Woodlands, Texas Chapter of ACFW, Toastmasters (Area 56) The Woodlands, Texas, The Woodlands Church, The Woodlands, TX.