Wednesday, February 5, 2014

There's No Mystery On This One. It's War!

First off, I must warn you that I am a little cranky right now.
Why you may ask? Why Cindy? That’s what the C of C.L stands for, in case you wondered. Why are you cranky?
Well keep reading and I’ll tell you.
I’m under invasion by an army that I am convinced is doing it just to tick me off! They are relentless and what they lack in size they more than make up for in sheer numbers.
That’s right, I’m under constant threat of being overrun, by ants.

Insulting Annoying Freeloading Ant
(Molestus Contumeliae Parasitus Formicae)
Oh how I hate my house
Oh don’t tell me I’m overreacting. You try waking up at 5:00 (that’s 5:00 am) and find that the local colony has sent out a scouting party to your kitchen counter top and see how cheerful you are about it.
It's not my favorite way to wake up let me tell you. Besides it’s rude! I didn’t invite the little freeloaders in, and they don’t help with the mortgage so don’t get to come in and be annoying whenever they please!
So I spend all morning getting rid of them, instead of getting ready to go to work, to which I am almost late, and then come home to see there are few stragglers came a callin'. 
I’m glad it wasn’t a full scare invasion. Yet.
That’s right they’ll be back. Me and the ants have done this dance before.
That’s another reason I’m cranky, because what have I been doing for the last hour? Sweeping and mopping my floors. Do you know how often I sweep and mop floors on a weekday unless there is major spillage involved? Not very often. That’s weekend work.
Anyway, ants aren’t supposed to like vinegar, and I clean with vinegar and water (hey, it’s not fatal to humans and it’s cheap and I’m on a budget). However, right now my house smells like a pickling factory. But the ants are gone. For now. But they’ll be back. They always come back.
Fish got to swim. Birds got to fly. Ants have got to be annoying until they die.
What really gets me is I don’t know what they’re after. I keep a clean kitchen folks. I was trained to do so by my mother, who was obsessed with her own war with dirt. I do not leave out dirty dishes or food. Ever! My mother would get special permission from God to come and haunt me if I did. Besides, the ants also invade the bathroom. Why? I don’t have any food in the bathroom!
So it’s back to my theory that they’re doing just because it drives me crazy.
Annoying freeloading ants.
As you have probably guessed by now, I’m not an ant lover. Oh yes, I know, the Lord invented them for a specific purpose. They are nature’s garbage collectors, and are very good at it. Cool. Outside, not in my house! By coming in they are insinuating that I don’t keep a clean house. You see? They’re not only annoying freeloaders, they are insulting annoying freeloaders. Not all that bright either because they totally ignore the fact that if they come into my house they will die. End of story.
Hey, it’s not my fault. If they would just stay outside, where they belong, doing the job God invented them to do we could have signed a peace treaty a long ago.
But no, they exist to annoy me. And you too I bet.
So you see it is the ants’ fault for coming into my house, insulting my housekeeping and defying God’s Will.
Excuse me now while I go check to see if the enemy has called it a night. If not, I have bug spray, and I’m not afraid to use it!

Mystery writer C.L. Ragsdale is the author of The Reboot Files a Christian Cozy Mystery Series, and a superhero story called Chasing Lady Midnight. A California native, she loves to "surf" the web to research plot details for her fun, quirky stories. She has a degree in Theatre Arts which greatly influenced her writing style. Working in various fields as a secretary has allowed her to both master her writing skills and acquire valuable technical knowledge which she uses liberally in her plots. Although that is where she got her idea for The Secretary, she is not an evil mastermind. Although some of her former employers might disagree. These days she contents herself with knitting while contemplating her next diabolical plot. Story plot that is.

Current E-Books
THE REBOOT FILES:  The Mystery of Hurtleberry House, The Island of Living Trees, The Harbinger of Retribution, and The Wrong Ghost.
Chasing Lady Midnight  (A Cozy Christian Mystery With Superheroes) 


  1. Cindy,
    I have to deal with this during the summer. It is a battle:) I still haven't found a way to get rid of them completely. You have to be sure not to wear anything sweet smelling at night because they will send scouts out in your bed. Yuck!

    1. They do? Ick! I don't think you can get rid of them completely, just discourage them. Which is hard enough. Supposedly they hate vinegar, and other strong smells like mint and bay leaves. Of course if comes down to it, there's my old friend the ant spray. I just have to careful in the kitchen. I use it on floors perimeters and around the window and the door. And clean. A lot.

  2. I wonder if your house sits on top of the ants.

    Try poisoned corn. The little critters carry it back to their home and poison everyone.

    ~Nancy Jill

  3. Lol! I've had them in my bathroom, too. Very annoying! I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope they back off soon. (I have had some success with boric acid and sugar.)

  4. I probably do live right on top of them, but they're everywhere. My theory is that it rained pretty good where I am and that got them stirred up. No signs of them tonight, but I know they are plotting a new offensive. Probably sending out a scouting party to one of the bathrooms. I shall have to review my defenses to keep the little buggers out. Wish me luck ladies! The attack, if it comes, will be at dawn!
    Actually predawn. I get up early, but they get up earlier. Stupid ants.

  5. Cindy--Oh how I hate ant invasions! I feel your pain...

  6. I've had some success with "Orange Guard" a citrus based "safe" bug spray, boric and sugar or boron, and Diatomaceous earth (food grade). The only one of those that's not safe around other animals is the boron or boric. I try to find where the little pests are coming in and spread some of the Diatomaceous earth around. Ant houses by Terro are also good.


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